I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
