peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
