i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
