I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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