Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
