can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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