I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
