I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
