i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
