ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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