Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Come on in and take your pants off
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