What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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