great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
