and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
