Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
