You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
