I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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