Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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