I wish my penis had an off switch
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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