I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
