I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
