I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
