if only i could text you this smell
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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