I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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