can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
