dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We got so high we made milksteak
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
