I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
