we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We are all done wearing pants today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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