Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk is not a location!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
