My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
