if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
