just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
