Whod you bang
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
