addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
