i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
