He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
