My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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