She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
