I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
