Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
