I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
