That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Mom said you looked used
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
