Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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