Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
