I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
