Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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