I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
