i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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