she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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