I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
