He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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