There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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