people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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