If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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